The phone rang. I knew, I knew, I knew, it would be God, but I couldn’t just let it ring, he’d know.
“Hello God.”
“Hey, how did you know it was me?” he says, but only to humour me.
“Blind faith.”
“You’re a funny girl, you know that?”
“So I’ve heard tell…”
An awkward pause. It’s always like this talking with [...]

“Well, think about it, you are the epitome of normal, compared to you, everyone is fucked up!”
“Well yes, obviously. I’m totally normal!”
…
“Apart from your irrational fear of flying.”
“Ah yes, there is that.”
“Oooh, and your panic attacks.”
“Those too.”
“And your fear of commitment.”
“Yes. And I do rather like anchovies.”
“And you’re sarcastic on a level and frequency that [...]

I fell downstairs and ate my shoe, the tongue, hard to swallow, repeated on me, churning my stomach as it spewed its malefic opinions,
“Red is not your colour! Everybody hates you! You can’t do your job! You look like a fool! And, everybody knows you’re an alien!”
I ate the second shoe (minus the tongue, which [...]

We leaned on one another and watched the sunset. Together we created lava spilling-spurting-spluttering into a distant mirror-smooth ocean. Together we made islands and ships float on the mirror-glass. We watched our creations in silence, my hand clasped in yours, as the sinking sun unfurled the canvas for us, only us.

It’s moments like this that [...]

 
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Head.
Fits Rock Lobster.
Has multiple antennae, is quite spiny.
Very tame, answers to “Bruce.”
If found, please contact Bruce’s body,
c/o Rock Platform (low tide only).
 
 

“I’m so dry,” said the dessicated starfish, “Got anything to drink?”
“Sorry, only Coopers, ” I replied, “And that’s no good because alcohol is a diuretic.”
“Thanks a lot smart-arse!” said Mr Five-arms huffily.
“Well, I don’t think any amount of moisture is going to help you now…this isn’t the SpongeBob movie you know.”
“Just what are trying [...]

“Pick me up?” asked the urchin as I neared its dead form. I bent and scooped it up without missing a step, held it gently on my palm and talked with it as I walked. I couldn’t help but admire the symmetry.
“What happened?” I questioned in a quiet voice.
“It was my time I guess, a [...]

“Mum, what is that?”
“Graffiti.”
“Oh, it looks like a willy…can I draw one too?”

This van made me laugh, I could work for them.