I took a call from the black-suited Spiderman at 3am last night. Using Ode to Joy he broke into my incredibly believable dream about the hot guy who lives next-door to my ex-husband,

“Curse you enhanced but mean Spiderman!”.

I found the phone in the cat’s basket under my bed, I suspect she and the black Spiderman have been talking without my knowledge. The electronic not-notes of Ode to Joy did not desist upon answering the phone, and Spiderman wanted to let me know that,

“The rules have changed!”

So, later today, when the little boy of the house asks where his Spidey phone is, I will be directing him to the garden next door. Sure, tossing the phone from the 4th floor into bushes may have been a slight overreaction, but no-one, not even a superhero, gets to interrupt a dream like that without paying.